Making Memories with Mother:
Putting Research into Practice and Loving it!

Donna Wilson, Ph.D.
Author Thinking for Results and BrainSMART® in the House
Co-founder BrainSMART.com

What Does It Take to Create New Memories and a Positive New Relationship with Your Mother?

I can’t stop myself from laughing when I remember my recent road trip with my mother, Virginia Wilson. The joy is twofold: first, the fact that we created so many new memories and ways of relating to each other. Second, I experienced the thrill of putting cognitive research into practice and seeing positive results.

I have been blessed to have been able to devote the last 25 years of my career to researching, writing, and teaching strategies for putting human brain research into practice. For instance, we now know that learning changes the physical structure of the brain. As we learn something new we literally make more connections in the brain. Through these new connections we can rewire our brain throughout our lives. We have vast potential to improve our minds and our relationships.

The most exciting part of this research is putting it into practice with the people you love. In fact, we can deliberately set out to make new memories. Recall of these new memories is optimized by having novelty and difference in your life. For example, if you have celebrated Christmas at home during each of the last ten years, it might be difficult to recall these individual holidays. In contrast, a different location or novel celebration will likely be much more memorable. Such variety in life is key to keeping the brain sharp as we age. For this reason, I decided to make new memories with my mother in different locations doing different things. Our travel adventures created new memories and should help us stay a little sharper through the years.

Just back from a most meaningful three weeks with my mother, my husband, Marcus, and I are creating a memory collage for my mother who, until she and I began traveling together, had not traveled much in her 70 plus years. Unlikely traveling companions, yes, my mother and I. That is until our relationship began to change when I was presenting with my hometown teachers in our great little hometown in the mid-west in the fall of 2004. On an Indian summer day that I’ll never forget, my mother had a front row seat among about 80 professional educators who arrived for a professional development day with me, a guest presenter. Who wouldn’t feel a bit of pressure speaking about the brain, learning, and teaching with mother right in the front row?

Three Keys for Creating New Positive Memories

Emotions

Today, as Marcus and I revisit the collage, three core principles emerge for keeping the brain strong at any age. The first of these three principles is emotion. Emotions are often referred to as the gateway to thinking. For example, my mother loves nature and thoroughly savors the bountiful Earth God has created. So I know that when Mother and I spend time together, she is apt to most enjoy learning all about gardens, birds, beautiful homes, and foods from different cultures. By planning some of my work travel around her interests, I provide a chance for her to be excited about learning new information through experiences infused with Mom’s strong positive emotions.

Variety

The second core principle for keeping memory strong is variety. We know that the brain is a “use it or lose it” organ. If we continue to learn new and different things throughout our life, then our brain remains more youthful for a longer time. To this end, traveling always gives our minds a good workout as we navigate new territory, taste different foods, see new sights, and learn history on-site while enjoying each new location.

Location

Last but not least, the core principle of location is key for keeping the brain’s memory strong throughout life. In our workshops with educators we often ask participants to recall what they ate for dinner the night before. Most then say that in order to activate their memory they think about where – and with whom – they where. Then they are able to recall what they ate. As another example, vacations to another location are often what we remember most over many years when we think back to childhood. As my aging mother and I travel to various sites, we have a built in natural learning system of location to help us build and recall many good memories together.

Making Positive Memories Deeper and Stronger for Life

On a personal note, my husband and I are great believers in the importance of actively creating a fulfilling adult-to-adult relationship with our parents. I have found that traveling with my mother is a life-transforming way to establish this relationship. In locations away from both our homes Mother and I aren’t so quick to rely on the often overused responses and role patterns we used for many years. Rather, we often find ourselves spontaneously singing, joking, and playing with each other as we learn to relate in new ways while changing our brains for the better.

Today, as Marcus and I finish the collage, we are so grateful that both of our mothers helped us develop a love of learning. This love of learning has resulted in our devoting our careers to learning how the brain learns. This learning has now come full circle as we are able to put this research into practice creating vibrant, positive memories that we will have forever.

Some Ideas to Consider

1. Take your mother (or others you care about) somewhere completely different and enjoy new experiences with positive emotions in a different location. You will both create memories for life.

2. Open your mind to the possibility that the brain has a life-long capacity to change and grow. Use this belief to work on creating an even better relationship with someone you love.

3. Deepen and enrich the memories by talking about positive new experiences you have had together.

4. Consider inviting your mother to work trips and events in your work setting. This idea might be somewhat scary, but you may find that your clients gain as much as you do.

5. Consciously plan to create new positive memories as these will be some of the most lasting and powerful recollections you will have for the rest of your life. These new memories may also make memories of your previous experiences more positive as well.

References:

Kandel, E. R. (2006). In search of memory: The emergence of a new science of mind.
New York: W.W. Norton.

Nobel prize winner, Eric Kandel, shares a thorough understanding of how short and long term memory systems work in the human brain. He also describes how his passion for brain research and memory connects to his early studies in psychotherapy. His enthusiasm for the work of understanding how the brain works is contagious and inspiring.


Conyers, M., & Wilson, D. (2005) BrainSMART® 60 strategies for boosting test scores:
As shared with more than 100,000 educators who reach a million students. Orlando, FL: BrainSMART.

This book is the most popular BrainSMART® book. It is written for teachers who want to further develop their toolbox of strategies for reaching students in most any classroom. The focus is upon the brain’s natural systems for learning and strategies for teaching that boost learning in five important areas including memory.